Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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