i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
