Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
