No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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