I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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