respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
