i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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