He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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