Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
