Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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