i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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