oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
