You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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