Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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