my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
