Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
