Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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