think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
