i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
