I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
