Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
