I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
