I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
