reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
