I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
