At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found a bag of teeth...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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