between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
