Christians are straight up FREAKS
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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