It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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