the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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