I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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