Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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