Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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