dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
