We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
