is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
