I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
