wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
