Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
