marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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