would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
