He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
be right there i have to get my cape
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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