I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
