Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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