i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
