You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
