i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
