Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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