marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
