I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
